Yo, fluffy man!
What’s meowing on with you lately? I’ve heard you’re about to deliver some presents, so I wanted to make sure you don’t forget about me like you usually do. Yeah, yeah, don’t make any excuses, you’re lazier than I am. You know, I’m an orphan living at the Cat Shelter Felix. Enough introduction, so let’s cut to the chase.
You know I’ve been no good, so let’s cut the cr*p… the bullsh… damn censorship! Listen, you gotta do something about these humans at CSF, they’re annoying. Always watching me and checking if I’m healthy. I think they’re obsessed with me or something. They’re always following me around with a camera, like some damn paparazzi! Can’t lick myself in peace and I can’t even get drunk properly for the holidays because they’re not keeping a stash. What’s that all about? There’s also no catnip, so how can I see some Christmas spirits?!
Perhaps you like dogs better because they resemble your reindeer, so you keep skipping us as we remind you of naughty children, we don’t know what the deal is with you, but we need some presents as well. I mean love. And we don’t hate dogs, we have dogs at our CSF Sanctuary and we adore them. They’re always driving the neighbors crazy!
These humans are also always cleaning, there’s almost nothing I can knock over. And I can’t find my sh*t, literally! My balls as well, but that’s another story. Make them get a life, I need to organize a party, so I’ll be needing a big Christmas tree with lots of flickering lights and decorations. Yeah, I wanna knock it down, so what? Maybe all at once, maybe piece by piece, it’s my deal so don’t judge! Also, lots and lots of toilet paper so I can make my own decorations. Humans won’t be pleased, but let them write their own letters.
I wanna giant LED TV so I can watch some cat shows at night and meowies all day long. And Ellen DeGeneres. Yeah, I like her. She’s always making fun out of the stupid humans. Don’t tell anyone, but I think she’s a cat in disguise. And Gremlins. I love those little buggers! They look like an army I’d want to lead some day. They make me laugh with their nastiness. I also need big speakers so I can put on some kitty soul music! Yeah, I do have a soul, it’s just that my soul doesn’t like you.
And, OK, you can also bring medications for my sick kitty brothers and sisters. You know, something against worms, fleas and the other usual stuff against the usual creepsters. Keep the toys and send boxes only! I need to hide somewhere from all the cameras and human eyes!
If you think things listed above are too much, then let me just have heat! Yeah, your love isn’t enough, chubbster! I need the heat so I can warm up my precious paws and my little fluffy butt! Don’t you look at my rear now!
I also want food! Lots of it! Kibble is fine, and we always have plenty of that here, but I need some meat! You can keep your turkeys, chicken wings, burgers and reindeer sausages. I want kitty canned food, so don’t even try telling me to go on a diet, or you’ll be seeing my claws.
If you decide to come, don’t hurt the humans. We need some slaves. Although they’re bothering us with their attention, we need someone to bring food. They’re also calling me sweet. I’m not sweet, I’m dangerous! I’m serious, so stop laughing! I also want lots of cuddles, but only when I’m up for them!
I’ll be going now, there’s food being served! And don’t forget to visit all of my sanctuary buddies, they have demands, I mean wishes too.
Hopefully I’ll be seeing you around. I like your hat. Looks like a cat.
Cheers, Santaster! Hopefully we’ll be having a meowtastic Christmas as well!
Until the real Santa visits CSF Sanctuary someday, would you like to make these kitties fall in love with the holiday season and provide them with a nice, warm and comfy Christmas?
Perhaps cats don’t know a thing about the value of money, but they can’t fake their appreciation and grumpy happiness.
Categories: Purrre Pawesomeness